Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
