i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
