I can text with my tongue
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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