are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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