Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
