dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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