I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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