It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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