I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
