ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
