how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
