Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
