I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
