Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Come see our sink grown plant.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
