All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
