You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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