The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
