so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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