I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
