Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.