Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy