apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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