i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
