He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
