Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
