I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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