id be glad to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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