508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
