How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
