im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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