my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
