i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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