Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
