im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
