so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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