I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
