Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
