Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
