id be glad to
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
