trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
