I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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