It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
