Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
