I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
