I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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