she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
