So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm passing your future prison.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
