I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
