I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
