Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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