My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
