I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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