I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
