I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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