Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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