4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
