I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
